We've Only Just Begun
by imma1pirate1argh
Summary: The age of man is over. A darkness comes and these lessons that we've learned here have only just begun. Sequel to Been Here All Along. Full summary inside. Deadliest Catch.
1. The New Season ,

**Summary - **  
Kyle and Jackson McDaniel return to the world of crab fishing though everything isn't as it once was. With change in the air the stress of the job gets to one while the other finds their niche. As for Jake and Kyle, well things won't get any easier for the two. They've been through hell and back it seems and it's only just beginning.

**Author's Note –**  
Welcome back to the second installment of the Jake and Kyle series. Everyone's back, minus one. I was going to wait for a while to have it come out but I got an idea from watching the premiere of the sixth season of Deadliest Catch and kind of ran with it. I'd love to know what you guys think and any feedback is appreciated. I hope you like this one as much as you liked Been Here All Along. Anyway, thank you guys and happy reading. =D Oh, and btw, check the profile page for pictures of how I envision the characters looking.

**Disclaimer –**  
I don't own anything but the McDaniels, those characters you don't recognize, and the plot. The title is taken from **Kings and Queens** by **Thirty Seconds to Mars**.

_

* * *

throw my cards, give you my heart_  
**chapter one **

"**You're kidding me, right?"**

Obviously not. This wasn't some kind of joke because, well, no one was laughing. Kyle looked around at Phil, Jake, Jackson, and Josh. This made absolutely no sense.

"**We've been fine all along. Why does this come up now?" **she asked, still confused. The woman plopped down on the floor of the wheelhouse, staring up at the four men.

"**It will be good for you, Kyle. You and Jake both."** Phil finally said as he got to his feet. Things were already decided, he and Sig had discussed it. It was over and that was that. He did feel a bit sorry to have the girl go onto the Northwestern but it was a good training lesson for her. **"At least you and Jackson will still be together,"** he said with a bit of a smile. He cleared his throat as the other man's neck whipped toward him.

"**What?"** he asked. Why hadn't he been told about this sooner? Then again Kyle was just finding out about the trade off now as well.

"**We're trading you two for Jake Anderson. It'll be a good learning experience and you'll be able to put everything we've taught you into practice on an unfamiliar boat."** The plan sounded pretty good to Phil, to be honest. It gave his two newest full share crewmembers a chance to show the other boats what they were made of.

* * *

The decision to continue crab fishing had been a hard one for Jackson and Kyle. Both were wary of leaving their mother to herself after the events over the break but Pam insisted they go because it was what she wanted, as well as what their father would have wanted. Kyle had tried to back out of going for the King Crab season several times but in the end, Pam McDaniel had gotten what she wanted.

The crew of the Cornelia Marie, while still upset about the loss of Arthur McDaniel, were both pleased to have their two crewmembers back. No one had forced them but their mother, though each member wanted them to come back.

The McDaniel twins both felt relieved as they once again stepped aboard the beautiful teal and yellow crabbing boat, a sense of homecoming washing over the pair. As Jake had promised Kyle plenty of times, it would be alright and it had been. So far, anyway. The only issue Kyle had come across was having to move to the Northwestern. While she greatly respected each member of her crew it wasn't home. Jackson was alright with it, to be honest. A bit shocked, sure, but he ultimately agreed with Phil – it would be a good learning experience. Jake was a bit upset they wouldn't get to spend much time together and had decided it would be a test on their relationship. They'd survived a month without each other, could they go without for even longer? Both Kyle and Jake supposed they would have to.

* * *

"**Sign here, both of you,"** Sig Hansen said as he handed over a pen to Jackson McDaniel. He was rather interested in how the two would fare among the crew. This experiment was one he and Phil had been discussing for a while; curious to see how their Greenhorns would do in unfamiliar territory. From what he had heard, they were hard workers and strove to prove themselves constantly. While he planned to cut Kyle a little slack at the mere fact she was a girl, he knew he would have to be on her just as hard if she wanted to prove that she was more than **just a girl. **

Kyle took the pen first, signing her full name –_ Kyle Jace McDaniel_ – onto the dotted line. Here went everything, she supposed. If she couldn't make it on the Northwestern well there wasn't much hope for her. She knew the cynical thoughts wouldn't help the new year but she couldn't help it. The woman handed over the pen to her twin who happily signed his name. She needed a bit of his enthusiasm.

"**Alright you two get down there and talk to Edgar. He'll get you started,"** Sig instructed as he took the pen back from Jackson. This was going to be interesting.

* * *

Already Jake and Josh were having a bit of a hard time readjusting to having a new Greenhorn. It helped that they didn't have to train this one but still, it was weird not having the twins on board the boat. Even Captain Phil missed his two Greenhorns though he guessed they weren't technically Greenhorns on his boat anymore.

"**Show him the ropes guys,"** Phil called out over the hailer to his sons as he observed them from the wheelhouse.

Jake decided to take over this and let Josh go off on his own, doing whatever else needed to be done before they could leave for open water. There were a few questions he had for the member of the Northwestern that would hopefully put his mind at ease about Kyle being over on the other boat.

"**They'll take care of her,"** Jake Anderson promised. The questions Jake had asked were simple: What was the crew like? Would Kyle fit in here? Even with Jackson there, would they protect her? **"You don't have to worry so much."**

Easy for Anderson to say, his girlfriend wasn't on another crabbing vessel. Jake removed his orange cap and ran his fingers through his newly trimmed dark hair. He had to stop worrying. Jake Anderson promised Kyle would be fine and was in good hands, all Jake had to do was trust him. He couldn't spend the whole of the King Crab season stressing over it. **"Yeah, alright."** Jake finally agreed as he picked up one of the sharper knives to help Jake Anderson with the baiting.

* * *

"**I'm not doing that,"** Kyle announced, trying to hold back the bile rising from her stomach.

"**You drew the short straw, cupcake,"** Edgar said with a laugh. Secretly he had been rooting for Jackson to draw that particular straw but hey, you couldn't always get what you wanted. Or could you? He was Edgar Hansen after all.

The men around her laughed and elbowed each other as Kyle's fingers probed at the warm herring. This was so disgusting. She would do a lot of things on the Bering Sea but this? This was just cruel.

"**Come on McDaniel, bite the head off!"** Sig heckled as he leaned over the railing from outside of the wheelhouse . His own amusement wasn't hidden as Kyle caught his broad smile. She did everything she could not to flip her new captain the bird.

"**I'm going to die,"** she groaned while her fingers wrapped around the slippery fish. Kyle tried not to breathe as her teeth sank into the head of the fish and bit down. It didn't take long for Kyle to spit it out and vomit on the deck of the Northwestern.

Jackson patted his sister on the back; glad for once the fishing gods hadn't cursed him so. **"Guess this is our welcome into the Northwestern crew, sis,"** he mocked.

If only it were that easy. Norm appeared with another plate, handing it over to Edgar. **"You didn't really think you were going to get out of it, did you Jack?"** he asked Kyle's twin. The older man dropped the plate into Jackson's open hands with chuckle.

"**Here's to the new season!"** Jackson exclaimed though his face already looked a bit green.

"**Karma's a bitch, isn't she Jack?" **Kyle questioned with a smirk. Oh yes she was.

**( painting flowers – all time low )**


	2. What Could It Hurt ?

Alright, chapter two. Thanks to everyone reading and sticking with this story. Sorry for lack of updates, last week was spent getting ready for the vacation I'm on right now. Everything should be back to normal next week though. =D

**frenchienumber3 –**  
Thank you so much! I'm glad you love them. C= I definitely won't be stopping this story anytime soon. I've got a bunch planned for it.

**Disclaimer –**  
Check the first chapter.

_you'd take me with you if you could_  
**chapter two**

The first week of crabbing had been a bit of a bust. Their pots had remained empty and the crew of the Northwestern were trying to handle the upset as best as they could. There were whispers of it being Kyle's fault as she was a woman aboard the boat due to an old sailor's superstition but the woman didn't believe this because they had had pretty decent luck on the Cornelia Marie.

"**One zero,"** Jackson called up to Sig using the intercom system. He brushed the hair out of his face as he looked over at his sister.

Kyle smiled half heartedly as she walked back to the baiting station, determined to stay on top of things. Then again her determination didn't matter much at this moment because if she didn't stay on top of the whole bait situation Sig would have her ass. And that didn't sound like much fun to the brunette. Her fingers clutched the curved knife as she set to work.

"**You doing okay?"** Jackson asked as he came up behind his sister.

The woman nodded her head as she crammed the herring into an orange bait bag. **"Yeah, peachy. You?"** she questioned, looking over her shoulder at her brother.

"**Yep. You know, I think I really like it on this boat."** The man leaned against the metal work bench, arms crossed over his chest. **"Feels a bit more like home to me."**

Kyle couldn't have disagreed more. Home was on the Cornelia Marie and being on the Northwestern made her feel out of place, like she was intruding on a family that wasn't hers. It was silly of course for the reason that everyone on the boat had done everything they could to make the transition a bit easier on the twins. Sure they were still treated like Greenhorns but Sig, Norm, Edgar, Nick, and Matt still tried to fit the McDaniel twins into their home away from home.

"**I just miss our boat,"** Kyle admitted softly. More so, she missed Jake. This was the hand she had been dealt and the woman knew she needed to buck up and stop moping around. She had been given a once in a lifetime shot and she was wasting it away.

Jackson nudged his sister, coaxing a smile from her lips. **"Just give it a chance, K. You'll see this boat can be home too."** While Jackson knew his words were true he also knew what his sister was keeping from him – the fact she missed her boyfriend and the ones that had become like a second family to them. **"This will be good,"** he tried before turning to catch the next crab pot.

* * *

On board the Cornelia Marie everyone was easily adjusting to having Jake Anderson as a member of her crew. So far he had done what Sig Hansen had suggested: keeping his mouth shut and doing what he was told. He tried to put every bit of learning he'd gleaned from his time aboard the Northwestern into his work on the Cornelia Marie. He liked to believe he was doing a fairly good job despite the teasing jabs and pranks he'd received from his new crewmembers. It was like starting all over.

The crew was currently spread out in the galley resting from a twenty-four hour shift. They're tanks were full and they were headed back to Dutch Harbor. This was a welcome relief for Jake Harris. He hadn't realized being separated from Kyle would take this much of a toll on him. While he had been focusing on the tasks he had to take care of one the boat his thoughts were never far from his girlfriend and he wondered if the other members of the crew who were married or seeing someone felt. It was an odd feeling for him seeing as he had never been with someone like this previously. His fingers ran through his hair as he climbed the steps to the wheelhouse, going to check on his old man.

"**You doing alright, Pops?"** Jake asked once he pushed the door open. He was surprised to notice Josh was already situated in the chair a bit away from the captain's chair. How had he not noticed his brother's disappearance?

Phil turned to look at his youngest son with a nod. **"Yeah, doing alright. Think I'm going to go down and get a few hours sleep. Josh is gonna take over."** The older man said as he stood up from the chair and stretched, tired joints giving clicks as he did so. He gave both his sons pats on the shoulder when he passed and headed down the stairs.

"**How much longer till we get to Dutch?"** Jake asked. His dark eyes watched as his brother slid into the captain's chair leaving the other chair open for him. The younger man settled easily into it and propped his feet on the wooden dash.

"**Another ten hours or so. Why, you in a rush?"** Josh inquired with a raised eyebrow and a knowing grin.

Jake simply shook his head, **"Nope. Just curious." **Oh yeah, no rush at all.

* * *

It seemed that the bad luck that had plagued the crew of the Northwestern as they pulled up a full crab pot - fifty-five King Crab and one rider if Jackson had added right - was over at last. The previous two weeks had been like this and they finally were able to head back to Dutch. It had been pretty touch and go for a while but it seemed that the sea gods were showing favor on the blue and white crabbing boat.

Kyle climbed to the top of the stack of pots her hands tugging at various ropes to make sure the stacks were stable. She was actually pretty surprised that they had allowed her to do this because not even Phil had let her handle this responsibility. A rush of adrenaline raced through her as she stared out at the waves pounding the crabbing boat. The start of a storm was upon them and Edgar called for the brunette woman to get her ass down.

"**Yeah, yeah, yeah,"** the woman muttered as she did as he had said. A wave crashed over the deck of the boat just as Kyle set her feet on the wood, coming across the stack she had been on moments ago. Thank God she hadn't been up there. She shook her head as she followed the crew into the ready room.

It was time to head back to Dutch Harbor and as Kyle sat at the table in the galley, Edgar next to her biting his thumb nail, she thought about how things had gone over the preceding few weeks. While she didn't wholly share Jackson's view of the Northwestern she had to admit it was beginning to feel a bit like home. Things had gotten better once Kyle had stopped fretting.

Jackson was learning more from Nick and Edgar and Kyle was taken under Matt's wing. The twins worked just as hard as they had on the Cornelia Marie and it was showing. There were still things they struggled with but as long as they did what they were told it didn't seem to cause that big of a problem.

Edgar and Matt had seen to it that that the McDaniels were constantly kept on their toes though, new pranks being pulled on them left and right. Kyle's boots had been filled with fish heads while Nick kept a continuous stream of Black Cats going off around Jackson. At one point Kyle and Jackson were constantly nervous, both looking not only their own shoulders but the shoulders of each other as well.

**"Nobody gets off of the boat until all of the crab is unloaded,"** Sig called out as he came down the wheelhouse steps.

They're trip back to Dutch had seemed much shorter than Kyle had remembered and she heaved a sigh as she slid out of the booth behind Edgar and Jackson. As they filed out onto the deck, the brunette's face lit up at the sight of the Cornelia Marie docked a few spaces down from them.

Fire seemed to be set under the asses of the Northwestern's crew as they unloaded the pounds of crab. Seventeen hours later they were standing in the second empty tank and jumping around at the fact they were _finally _finished. With permission to leave for twelve hours as the boat was having a bit of work done the crew filed off and headed for the Elbow Room.

Kyle stayed behind for a few minutes as she made herself somewhat presentable. She dug through her purse in search of her chap stick but her hunt was halted as her fingers pulled out a slightly damaged white business card. _Nicholas Cohen – Freelance Photographer._ Her fingers glided over the number printed on the card and she smiled slightly.

So maybe she hadn't particularly _wanted_ anything to happen with Nich but that didn't mean she wasn't interested in him. She had been so busy pining over Jake that she hadn't even stopped to give the photographer a chance. She pulled out her mobile phone and dialed the number, what could it hurt? He probably wouldn't answer anyway.

**( the poison – the all american rejects )**


	3. Would You Quit Moving ?

**frenchienumber3 –**  
Thanks!  
Haha. That's not a bad thing.  
Don't worry, it'll be alright. =D  
I definitely will do my best.

**simply meggg -**  
I'm so glad you like it.  
That means a lot to me.  
Oh, I will.  
I know! I think they fit the chapters perfectly.

**xxEMOxLIZZARDxx –**  
Awesome!  
I was. Haha. I lovelovelove the soundtrack.  
I will. Thanks!

**IrishCaptain –**  
I couldn't just leave them behind. Their stories weren't fully told. =D  
Thanks!

**Tao123 –**  
Thank you so much. C=

**Disclaimer –**  
See chapter one.

_think twice before you touch my girl_

**chapter three**

Jake leaned back in his chair; hand wrapped around an amber bottle of beer. He looked over at his brother and laughed as he slapped Jake Anderson good naturedly on the back of the head. Jake's look of shock made Jake Harris shake his head and feel kind of amazed at how easily Anderson was fitting into their crew.

His head, for what felt like the millionth time that night, turned toward the door of the bar as it opened and a feeling of disappointment settled in his stomach once more. He knew the Northwestern had been back for a while but he still hadn't seen Kyle. It was as warm hands settled over his eyes that the disappointment melted away and he took the hands in his own.

"**Hey there,"** Jake greeted as he turned his head to look up at Kyle.

"**Hey you."** The woman kissed the top of his head before settling in a chair beside him. **"Hey Josh and Jake,"** she greeted with a smile. It felt good to see them again. One leg crossed over the other as she leaned back in her seat, bottle of beer in her hands. The woman took a sip as she looked over at Jake who smiled back at her. **"How's being on the Marie without me?"** she questioned with a grin. The question was asked in a joking manner, sure, but she was curious if being away from each other was bothering Jake as much as it was bothering her.

Jake frowned slightly at the question, **"It's alright. I think we all miss you and Jackson. Jake Anderson is doing pretty good on the boat though,"** he admitted. Jake A smiled proudly as Josh nodded his head in agreement.

Kyle nodded her head. She had little doubts that Jake A would fit into the Cornelia Marie crew - they weren't that hard to get along with. **"I miss being on the Marie, to be honest with you but the Northwestern isn't so bad. Jackson is really enjoying himself."** She placed the bottle on the table before leaning forward. **"I think if he could he'd stay on."**

"**You really think so?"** Jake wondered.

The woman nodded her head, frowning herself. **"Yeah, he says it feels a little more like home."** She wondered if she could be on a boat without her brother. The more she thought about the more she began to realize she was pretty dependent on not only Jake but on Jackson as well.

Silence had settled over Jake and Kyle and this didn't go unnoticed by the other men at the table. Josh looked around the bar, eyebrows rising as he noticed a familiar dark haired man sitting at the bar. He nudged Kyle and looked the other man's way.

Shit. **"What?"** she asked, shrugging her shoulders easily.

"**Isn't that the same guy you left with last year?"** Josh asked as both he and Jake looked at the other man.

Jake could feel his blood pressure rising slightly as his eyes settled on the outsider. **"Yeah, that is,"** he answered for Kyle. He would know that face anywhere. **"What's he doing here?"** Jake asked as he got to his feet.

"**I'll deal with it, Jake," **Kyle started as she stood to her feet as well. **"Be right back."** Her strides were sure and quick despite the nervousness coursing through her as she made her way to the photographer, sliding onto the stool by his side with her back facing the men she worked with. **"Hey, Nich,"** she greeted with a smile.

"**Hey. I was surprised you called,"** he replied with his own smile.

"**I know. I'm sorry. I found your card in my purse and I figured I should apologize for what happened last year."** The woman's blue eyes watched him carefully as she wondered if he was upset. He had admitted he hadn't minded being a distraction from Jake but the way she had treated him wasn't exactly fair. **"I never gave myself a chance to get to know you. You seemed like you could be someone I could like,"** she admitted.

Nicholas looked surprised as he took a sip of the clear liquid sitting in his glass; no one would guess that it was only water. **"There is a lot about me you don't know. I'm full of surprises,"** he said with a wink. **"But from the looks of it, I don't think your boy over there would appreciate you getting to know me."**

The woman looked over her shoulder, noticing the anger filling her boyfriend's dark gaze. **"Probably not," **she agreed. **"What are you doing back in Dutch anyway?" **He seemed to spend a lot of time in the small seaside town.

"**My boss at NatGeo liked the articles I was doing on the town and decided to send me out to catch up with the fishermen here,"** Nicholas said easily, the barest hint of pride in his voice.

"**Wait, you write too?"** Kyle asked amazed.

"**Yeah, like I said there's a lot you don't know about me."** Nich got to his feet and put a few bills on the counter for his water and the beer he had ordered for Kyle. He leaned forward, lips just above her ear, **"See you around, Kyle,"** he whispered before kissing her cheek.

Kyle turned red as he turned around and walked away, cursing him for the jealousy he was leaving her to deal with as far as Jake was concerned. Awesome.

* * *

"**What did he say to you?"**

Kyle's arms crossed over her chest as she stared down the man standing not far from her. This wasn't fair. She hadn't done anything, at least she liked to believe she hadn't done anything. By calling Nich and asking him to meet her at the Elbow Room she had brought trouble into their lives and there was no denying that. **"Why does this bother you so much?" **she asked Jake as she finally lowered her arms.

Jake didn't believe what he was hearing. Did she honestly believe she hadn't done **anything** wrong? **"Why are you avoiding the question?"** he pressed.

"**I'm not,"** she answered. Technically she wasn't avoiding the question she was kind of skirting around it. Was that the same thing?

"**If you're not, then what did the bastard say to you?"** Jake asked again.

The brunette haired woman sighed and lowered her gaze. **"He just said he'd see me around,"** she answered softly. **"And he's not a bastard. Nich's a nice guy."**

"**What is he even doing here?"** Jake didn't even acknowledge her last sentence as his eyes narrowed. It seemed as if he was always appearing in the most inconvenient of times. **"We were supposed to spend time together before we had to leave again and you're off with **_**him**_**,"** the man argued.

"**We still have plenty of time Jake. What is your problem?"** she threw back at him. So yeah, maybe she shouldn't have called Nich when she and Jake had so little time to spend together but she didn't think he would get so upset.

"**No, we don't Kyle."** Jake shook his head and shoved his hands into his pockets. **"I've got to get back to the Marie,"** he said as he turned his back on Kyle. He was done with the whole situation.

"**Jake, wait, please,"** Kyle pleased, grabbing at his arm.

"**What Kyle?"** There was pure irritation in the man's voice as he regarded his girlfriend.

Once she was sure Jake wasn't going to walk off again she moved to stand in front of him, her hazel eyes never leaving his dark ones. **"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have called him. I'm sorry,"** she apologized again.

Jake let out an exasperated sigh, **"You're still not getting it Kyle. I don't care that you called him. What I'm annoyed with is the fact you **_**asked**_** him to meet you on one of the few nights we're going to have before the break." **He shook his head his head before pulling her hand off his arm and walking away.

"**Jake!"** Kyle called after him. When the man didn't bother to turn around Kyle let out a 'fuck' of frustration and headed back to the Elbow Room wishing she had a rewind button.

* * *

Kyle hadn't been right since the crew had boarded the Northwestern again for their second round of crab fishing. She had spent the majority of the trip out to the crabbing grounds in the wheelhouse, sitting in silence with Sig. It was nice and something she was surprised he had allowed her to do. Back on the Cornelia Marie this was something she had done often with Phil and he hadn't seemed to mind either. As long as she stayed silent and let him concentrate they were alright.

"**What's going on with you?"**

The woman looked surprised at the sudden question, especially considering Sig had been going over his maps quite thoroughly before. The woman shook her head as she stared out of the window at the open water before them.

"**That's bullshit and you know it. I know you well enough now to know when something's wrong with you and there **_**is**_** something wrong. Now talk or get out of my wheelhouse." **The threat wasn't an empty one and Sig made sure she understood that one. He had noticed her lack of communication with her crew members and the fact she had isolated herself from them as well. Now, instead of goofing around with them, she stuck to herself. It was very unlike her.

Kyle gave a soft sigh before turning to look at Sig. **"Jake and I had a fight before we left Dutch. I called a friend of mine and asked him to meet me to apologize for something that had happened last year. I didn't think he would get so upset over it and I just hate knowing that he's on the Marie and I'm here and there's this animosity between us,"** she finally explained, having to take a breath afterward.

Sig put down his pencil and looked thoughtfully at the brunette beside him for a minute. **"Is this your first major fight?" **When Kyle nodded her head he couldn't help but chuckle before continuing. **"It'll be alright. You mentioned this other guy. Did you honestly not thing Jake would get upset that **_**you**_** initiated this meeting?"**

The woman's cheeks turned red for a moment as she thought this over. Alright, maybe she had thought of that before calling Nich but at the time it hadn't really seemed like that big of a deal. She thought Jake would get upset and they would argue but she hadn't thought it would be as big of a deal as it was. **"I guess I did a little but I didn't think it would be this much of a problem."**

Sig shook his head, **"If I were you I would cut this other guy out completely. No sense in rocking the boat anymore."** With this he turned back to his maps before looking out at the ocean spread out before him. **"Get downstairs and help make something to eat, we'll be at the grounds pretty soon."**

And with that Kyle knew the conversation was over. **"Thanks, Sig."** She said softly before doing just as he had instructed. As much as she knew Sig was right and that she did need to cut Nich out all together she didn't think it would be that easy. Her fingers threaded through her hair as she stepped into the galley, finding her brother and Edgar arguing over what they were going to be eating.

* * *

Jake looked over at his brother before turning over onto his side and letting his arm cushion his head. They were supposed to be getting at least eight hours of sleep before they reached the grounds and so far Jake had gotten zero. He gave frustrated sigh as he flipped over onto his back.

This whole thing was frustrating. He _knew_ that Kyle understood why he was so upset and was just playing innocent about the whole thing. Alright, so maybe that was a little bit of a lie. But, what he did know was the Kyle tended to do things without thinking about the consequences and this had definitely been one of those times.

After leaving her in the alleyway he'd ended up running into Nicholas, aka bastard and it hadn't been pretty in the least. He'd told him to stay away from Kyle and that he had lost his chance and, in all reality, never even had a chance. Bastard had popped off something about having helped Jake and telling Kyle to just talk to him but Jake didn't believe it for a second. Whatever the bastard said after that was lost when Jake swung a fist in the general direction of his face.

Needless to say he'd come off with a few bruises and a split lip while Nich left with a black eye and a few bruises of his own. It would have escalated even more from there if Josh and Jake Anderson hadn't come along. Again, the man flipped over onto his stomach and stared at the wall in front of him.

"**Would you quit moving around?"** Josh finally called out, turning on his side to face his brother.

Jake jumped at this not having expected his brother to say something. **"I can't sleep."**

"**It's because you're thinking. Something you should really try not to do."** For this, Josh received a shoe just barely missing his stomach. **"Too short, hot shot."** The man leaned up and flicked on the lamp attached to the bunk. **"What's up your ass?"**

The younger man glared at his brother before sitting up, legs settling over the side of his bunk. **"This whole Nicholas and Kyle thing. Why would she do that?"** he asked. Jake hadn't allowed himself to discuss this with anyone as he thought he could figure it out by himself but after reaching absolutely no conclusions he opted to finally ask his brother.

Josh shrugged before flipping over onto his back. **"She's Kyle. Why does she ever do the things she does? Why did she ever get with you?"** He asked but felt a little bad about it afterward. **"Sorry,"** he apologized. He turned over onto his side and looked at his younger brother. **"Did she tell you anything?"**

Jake thought about this for a moment before shrugging, **"I don't know. I didn't really give her a chance, I guess."** He'd been more pissed off about it and hadn't wanted to hear whatever excuses she had.

"**Maybe that's your problem, man. Maybe she had a good reason for calling him and wanting to see him."** Though from here Josh couldn't exactly see what the good reason behind it was. He remained quiet for a minute as he tried to think of something somewhat reassuring to tell his brother. **"Look, just don't worry about it for now. There's not a whole lot you can do about out here. Let it go for now, concentrate on catching crab, and then deal with it when we get back to Dutch."**

The thing was Jake didn't exactly want to do that. Despite that he nodded and supposed it was probably the best thing to do for now. Josh was right after all, there wasn't anything he could do about it all the way out here. **"Thanks."**

"**Yeah, sure. Whatever."** Josh flipped the light back off and rolled over, leaving his brother to his thoughts.

**( think twice – eve 6 )**


	4. Or Get Shot In The Face

**xxEMOxLIZZARDxx –**  
Yep, I got it all under control. It's going to be interesting  
so hold on. XD Hopefully you'll enjoy it.

**frenchienumber3 –**  
Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere. I've just been  
kind of busy with the end of school and work.  
I definitely will. Thanks for the awesome review.

**IrishCaptain –**  
It's all about being realistic. Relationships are never that easy are they?

**Author's Note – **

So I've made about five banners for Been Here All Along and We've Only  
Just Begun. You should definitely check them 're located in my  
profile. And a **big** thank you to everyone reading and reviewing. You guys  
are the best, seriously.

**Disclaimer –**  
We've already covered this. Everyone you don't recognize is mine. Everyone  
you do? Well, they're not mine. Obviously.

_you can't always get what you want _

**chapter four **

"**There's something I need to talk to you about,"** Jackson said as he looked over at this sister. The woman met his gaze with a raised eyebrow before tossing a crab down into the tank. Taking this as a green light he barreled on. **"I want to ask Summer to marry me."**

Kyle froze at this, not sure she'd heard Jackson right. **"Come again." **

The man knew she had heard him but also knew that when it was something Kyle didn't want to hear it took her a bit to fully grasp what had been said. He gave a sigh as he threw the crab in his hand overboard. **"You heard me."**

Oh, apparently she had heard Jackson right. Summer and Jackson had been dating for less than a year and in Kyle's opinion that was much too soon to be getting engaged. Was this Jackson rushing into things again or did he seriously want to settle down with Summer? Kyle felt the answer should be obvious but it wasn't. **"I'm not doing this right now,"** she told him before walking away from the sorting table.

Jackson shook his head as he looked at Nich and Matt, shrugging his shoulders.

Edgar caught sight of the brunette stomping toward the bait area like a two year old having a fit and he raised his eyebrow. **"What's going on, princess?"** he asked.

Kyle turned to face Edgar, glaring at the older man. **"Not a princess,"** she muttered. Nothing was going Kyle's way, nothing. Her boyfriend was mad at her, her brother wanted to get married, she wanted to be back on the Cornelia Marie – after everything had seemed to go alright it was going downhill fast. Maybe one of those things had been her fault but for the moment she wasn't going to admit that. **"I need a cigarette."**

The deck boss of the Northwestern merely shook his head before digging around in his pockets for his pack of cigarettes. Once he found them he offered one to the woman and chuckled slightly when she snatched it from him. **"Again, what's going on?"**

"**Jackson wants to get married."**

"**To you?"** Edgar asked, making a face. Alright so he knew that wasn't the right answer but he was only trying to make the brunette laugh. That feat, which was normally pretty easy, was becoming harder and harder as of late. Upon getting the bird he gave a sigh. **"Why is this big deal?"**

Kyle didn't want to talk about it, she refused to talk about. Ignoring Edgar for now she began grinding more bait for the bait bags while casually puffing away on her cigarette. With a sigh she turned back to Edgar and offered an apologetic smile. It wasn't fair to take out her frustration on him or anyone else on the boat, that wasn't like her. **"He just, he rushes into all of his relationships and I don't want him to get hurt. I know he and Summer have been taking things slow but they haven't been dating for a whole year. What if it goes wrong?"**

The man regarded her for a moment before looking back at the controls in his hand, letting the next pot lower onto the loader. **"It's his decision, Kyle. I don't think anything you can say will change that. The thing you ought to do is just go along with it and wish them well. If things don't work for them then that's that."**

Kyle hated when people were right - absolutely hated it. Huffing, she grabbed a bait bag and a fish and walked it over to the pot. She climbed inside and clipped it over her head. As she passed by Edgar she glared before saying, **"I hate when you're right."**

* * *

Jake Anderson flipped a pancake over in the pan before moving the bacon around in the pan beside it. He'd come in a few minutes early to make dinner for the guys. It was his turn and really he didn't mind. The man had to admit that he really liked it on the Cornelia Marie. While he was a 'Greenhorn' they didn't treat him as such. They connected with him and treated him like one of them. It was different than being on the Northwestern in that respect.

Sig, Edgar, Nick, Matt, and Norm treated him like a kid sometimes, pushed him around a little bit too much. He tried not to let it get to him and to just do what Sig said – keep his mouth shut and do what was asked of him. Most times this worked but sometimes he let them get the best of him. Adding more batter to the pan he waited a few minutes before flipping the pancake. He was almost done, he thought. About three more pancakes and he'd be all set.

Seemed this was pretty good timing a Jake Harris walked into the kitchen. **"Smells good,"** he commented before sliding into the booth.

Jake nodded and offered a smile as he poured more batter. Lately Jake H had been pulling away from the crew a bit and started acting like he had when he had first joined the Cornelia Marie crew; at least this was what Josh had said. Josh thought it had to do a lot with Kyle and the stunt she'd pulled with the photographer dude. Jake didn't know and tried not to get involved in it as it wasn't really his place anyway. When the last pancake was finished he loaded them all on a plate, along with the bacon and eggs, and put them on the table.

"**You ready to get back to your crew?"** Jake Harris asked with a wry smile. He'd heard Jake A talk about how different it was here and how he almost didn't want to go back on the Northwestern. Unfortunately for him he'd have to go back so that they could get Jackson and Kyle back.

Jake A shrugged his shoulders before sliding into the booth across from the man. **"I guess. I bet you're missing Jackson and Kyle."**

At the latter of the two names Jake visibly tensed. He'd been doing his best not to think about the woman and how he would be facing her shortly. As the moment passed he gave a none committed shrug of the shoulders and sigh. **"Yeah, I guess so."**

"**You don't want them to come back?"** Jake A asked cautiously. He was stepping into dangerous territory he knew but he couldn't help but be curious. **"From what Kyle said Jackson wasn't sure he really wanted to come back."**

Jake nodded at this, **"It's up to them whether they come back or not. Though I suspect one of them would so that you could go back over there." **And they both knew which one would want to come back. **"I think this break was good for me and Kyle."**

"**Why's that?"** The man asked as he got up to grab cups of coffee for himself and Jake H.

The brown eyed man looked down at the table before him, fingers peeling at the linoleum. **"She was so worried about me not being committed to this, to our relationship, and then she went and called that photographer. The guy she would have slept with last year if I hadn't stepped in."**

Jake set the cup of coffee in front of the man before nodding .He remembered that, vaguely anyway. **"Why did she call him?"**

"**I don't know. We never talked about that,"** Jake admitted sheepishly. He'd been so upset she had got in contact with him _period_ that he hadn't even stopped to ask.

"**Don't you think you should maybe ask her why she did it? I'm sure she had a good reason."** It was then that Josh, Freddie, and a few of the other crew members walked into the kitchen and the conversation was put to a stop.

"**Smells good, man. What'd you make?"** Josh asked as he started poking around.

Jake Anderson stood up and grabbed plates for everyone before turning to look at Josh, **"Pancakes, bacon, eggs, and coffee. Lots of coffee."**

* * *

Edgar and Sig had exchanged a few words about Kyle's change in attitude and in Jackson's as well, seeing as the siblings weren't on speaking terms at the moment. They'd devised a plan, along with Nick, Matt, and Norm, to put a little smile on the Greenhorns' faces.

Kyle and Jackson looked around the empty deck, finding it odd that they had gotten stuck doing _all_ of the chores in order to clean up for the end of the day. Normally everyone was out doing their part but today? Yeah, no. It was only Jackson and Kyle and the tension? You could have cut through it with a knife. They weren't speaking and hadn't spoken since Jackson had revealed his future plans to Kyle. It sucked.

Little did they know that everyone else was inside getting the last phases of Plan Force A Smile into action. Edgar cocked the water gun in his hands as he looked at Nick and Matt with a grin. Sig was even in on the joke, he and Norm held a good length of Black Cats and planned to put them out on the deck before either Jackson or Kyle had any idea what was going on.

"**Jackson,"** Kyle started but was quickly cut off with a raised hand. **"What are you? Five?"** she scoffed.

Jackson turned to face her, lowering her hand. **"More like six."** He smiled briefly before turning the hose in his hands on her.

The woman squealed as she tried to duck for cover. **"What the hell was that for?" **She craned her neck slightly around the pots she'd jumped but quickly moved back as she came face to face with Edgar and his water gun. **"Edgar?"** she questioned, voice coming out rather squeaky.

"**Yep?"** he replied.

Kyle looked around, noticing with satisfaction that Jackson was in the same position with Nick and Matt. **"What's going on?"**

"**You and Jackson have been pouting and moping around for too long. We're through with it. Either smile or get shot in the face,"** Matt said as he looked over at Kyle.

Kyle was way too confused to smile and found her stomach getting placed with a jet of water. **"Oh hell no." **Kyle tried to wrestle the gun out of Edgar's hand but found she was no match for him. Her hair was soon sticking to her face completely as Nick hit her with his own water gun. **"Not fair!"**

Jackson wasn't doing any better as Matt fired at him again and again. He'd barely had any time to recuperate before, what sounded like gunfire, sounded from behind him and Kyle. They both jumped out of their skins, almost, and grabbed onto each other. They looked around before finding a laughing Sig and Norm coming out behind the stack of pots. The twins shared a look before Jackson dove for the water hose and turned it on his crew members.

Kyle had managed to get Matt's water gun and squirted him and Edgar. The twins' mutiny was short lived as Edgar, Nick, Norm, and Sig backed them up against the wall of the ready room, guns aimed directly at them. Both Jackson and Kyle offered broad smiles and let out sighs of relief as all four guns were lowered.

"**That wasn't so bad was it?"** Sig asked before looking at the other three men. Despite the fact that the twins were still smiling Sig gave a nod and the water guns were emptied onto the Greenhorns.

* * *

Phil looked out at the dark ocean ahead of him before dialing up Sig on the radio. It was times like these when he really missed Jackson and Kyle. Things on the boat just didn't seem right without them onboard. **"Hey Sig, you copy."**

"**Yeah. Think it's about time we switch Greenhorns?"** the man asked with a raspy laugh.

Obviously Phil wasn't the only one missing his deckhands. **"Yeah. I think so. You think they're ready to come back?"**

Sig scratched at this head, messing up his head as he thought about this. Kyle was definitely ready to get back to her boat and he didn't blame her a bit. As for Jackson, Sig wasn't sure he actually _wanted_ to leave. Giving a sigh he pressed down on his end of the radio, **"I think Kyle's more than ready to get back to the Marie but I think Jackson's not ready at all."**

"**I figured Jackson wouldn't. From what Jake had said, Kyle thought Jackson would rather stay on then get back over here."** Phil wouldn't make Jackson come back if he didn't want to. It was up to Sig and what he thought was best for his crew.

Thinking about his younger brother, Sig decided that maybe having an extra, younger deckhand wouldn't be too much of a bad thing. **"I'll keep him on as long as you're alright with it."**

Phil nodded despite the fact that he knew Sig wouldn't be able to see it. The only problem with this was he wasn't sure how Kyle would take it. **"What do you think Kyle's going to say? How have her and Jackson been?"**

Sig knew it didn't matter what the greenhorns thought it was all about what they, as captains, asked them to do. Deciding that being honest was the better course he went on, **"They're not talking much these days. They're on alright terms but Kyle's upset with Jackson 'cause he wants to get married to his girl. I think things with Jake also have to do with why she's been so out of sorts."**

The captain of the Cornelia Marie ran his fingers through his hair before digging out a cigarette from the pack at his side. Jake had seemed out of sorts too and this would explain the reason behind it, somewhat anyway. Lighting the cigarette he inhaled before pressing down on the button, **"We'll meet up and switch back in a day. We're not that far from you. Jake Anderson has done you proud Sig. He's a good guy and a great deckhand."**

Sig couldn't help but feel a little bit of pride at that. So Jake hadn't been a screw up and could do what other captains needed him to do. He'd have to do something 'nice' for the younger man when he got back on the boat. **"I'll tell Kyle and Jackson about our decision. See you then, Phil."**

As the radio went silent Phil let out a sigh. Life was never simple was it? He had thought things between his son and Kyle were alright, as were things between the McDaniel twins. Apparently they weren't and Phil, speaking fromm experience, knew that things were only going to get worse before they got better. The kids had a tough road ahead of them.

**( you can't always get what you want – the rolling stones )**


	5. If Jake Is In Then I'm In

Um, hi guys! Long time no write, I know. I've had such issues with this story it's not even funny. While I love it and always feel the need to write in it I find myself conflicted because of what's actually going on on Deadliest Catch. But, after rereading everything and rereading all of the amazing reviews and a few helpful messages I've decided to do everything in my power to continue and finish this story. So, yes. Here is Chapter Five. =D

**Disclaimer:  
**Nothing belongs to me except the things you don't recognize.

_you're not as brave as you were at the start  
_**Chapter Five ,**_  
_

"**We're switching you back."**

Kyle looked seriously relieved while Jackson looked a little angry. He crossed his arms over his chest and looked the captain of the Northwestern over. How could he tell the older man that he would rather stay on then go back to the Cornelia Marie? Would Phil even go for that?

"**Don't look at me like that Jackson. You're staying on but your sister's going back to the Marie."** Sig said and grinned, unable to hold it back. The look on Jackson's face made him let out a gruff laugh. **"You both okay with that?"** Not that it really mattered.

The brunette woman looked at her brother and raised an eyebrow, silently asking him how she should feel about all of this. By his goofy grin and nod she had her answer. **"Perfectly fine with me."**

Sig clapped them both on a back before all but shoving them out of his wheelhouse.

Kyle elbowed her brother and grinned as he muttered a lame 'what the fuck.' **"You always seem to get just what you want. You brat."** She said as they zipped up their gear. Jackson's shrug only made his twin roll her bright blue eyes.

"**Bet you're more excited about seeing your boyfriend again." **

It was the most normal the two had been since Jackson had revealed that he planned on asking Summer to marry him. The thought made Kyle frown for a moment before shoving that concern way down. **"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shut up."** She shoved him out of her way and opened the door to step out onto the deck. Kyle was surprised when something caught her arm and she turned around to find that it was her brother.

"**I need you to be okay with this Kyle."** It was as if he was reading her mind; which he very well could have been doing. With the recent death of their father Jackson seemed to be leaning on his twin more and more and she seemed to be doing the same exact thing.

Kyle studied the face she knew almost as well as her own and sighed, completely defeated. **"I just want you to be happy Jackson and if marrying Summer makes you happy then I'm okay with that."** Though it might be a completely different story once she and Summer met face to face after this.

The man wrapped his arms around his sister and she let him hold her for a second before shoving at him. **"Get off of me."** She muttered before smiling up at him. **"Brat."**

* * *

Oh God. She was not doing this. This shit was not going to happen. Shaking her head the brunette backed far, far, far away from the rail of the Northwestern. Were they fucking nuts? They all had lost their minds; that's what had happened.

"**Be adventurous McDaniel. You'll be fine." **Edgar said as he gripped her elbow and pushed her forward gently.

Still shaking her head the woman yanked her arm from him and grasped onto the baiting bin, knuckles whitening as she held on for dear life. **"No. No. No. Fuck no. Hell no. Shit no. Just no."** She was making a complete full of herself she knew but did they actually expect her to take this all in _calmly._ They wanted her to jump into the Bering Sea with her belongings and wait for the crew of the Cornelia Marie to scoop her up.

"**It'll be alright Ky."** Jackson said behind her.

"**No it won't. I'll be torn to shreds. Surely I'm not the only one flipping out over this idiotic idea. What's Jake Anderson have to say about all of this?"** She questioned as she looked at Jackson, Sig, Norm, Matt, and Edgar. No one said anything and she had a feeling Jake wasn't taking it much better. **"I won't do it. Find some other way. I'll wait."**

Her blue eyes looked out at the sea and just spotted the Cornelia Marie headed their direction. There was no way she could throw her ass into the sea and _wait_ for the crew to pick her up. So much could go wrong. Had no one thought about this? What the hell were they thinking?

"**Your only choice is jumping in or waiting until we get back to Dutch. Which will be in a few days, a week tops."** Sig finally explained. Of course he understood why Kyle was freaking out as she was because he wasn't certain he could just jump in like they were trying to make her do. If she wanted to wait though, they could do that as well. It all came down to how badly did she want to be back on the Cornelia Marie. **"Choice is yours Kyle."**

Sheepishly the brunette looked at the members of her crew. Would it really be that bad? Surely it wouldn't if they bundled her up and she held on to her bag and the buoy they would sent with her for dear life. **"If Jake is in then I'm in."**

* * *

The water was freezing. Absolutely fucking freezing. It didn't seem to help that she was in an insulated suit at all. She fought to keep her eyes open, looking for an sign of Jake Anderson. If she had been able to she would have let out a relieved sigh as she finally spotted him. He attempted to lift a hand in greeting and she laughed, as much as she could considering the water pouring over her every second, and raised a hand back.

Oh yeah. This was nothing. Piece of cake. A walk in the park. Yeah, fucking right. She was so going to kill them – if she survived this. Her blue eyes tried to keep both the Northwestern and the Cornelia Marie in her sights and was surprised to find that that wasn't the hard part. The hard part was keeping her head above water.

The Bering Sea seemed to be sucking her down from beneath its swirling madness of a surface. She reached up and gripped onto the buoy even tighter. Kyle wished they would hurry up. If they were trying to warn her of anything they might as well hold their breaths. The only thing she could hear was the roar of water rushing over her.

How much longer was this going to last? Kyle McDaniel didn't think she could take much more of this. _Please God let me get on one of the boats. I don't care which one._ It was then that she felt something tugging on the buoy and she jerked her head from side to side trying to determine what it was. Relief flooded through her as she saw the hook and held on for dear life as they pulled the buoy closer and closer to the deck of the Cornelia Marie.

She turned her head away to once again check on Jake A and didn't see any sign of him. Her blue eyes traveled to the deck of the Northwestern and her heart fell when there was no sign of bright orange there either. Kyle decided to concentrate on getting on board the Cornelia Marie then she would figure out how she could help Jake A because there wasn't much she could do in her current position.

It seemed like hours had passed before the woman was finally dumped onto the deck of the Marie. She opened her eyes and panted. **"Never. Again."** She managed to get out only to be greeted by laughter and two set of hands pulling her up. Kyle stopped Jake and Josh in their tracks, not wanting to be taken care of until she knew Jake A was okay. **"Did they get him? Did they get Jake Anderson."**

Both men shook their heads and explained they had pulled him up moments before they had pulled her up. For what felt like the millionth time that day relief filled her as she let out a shaky breath. Thank God.

* * *

It seemed like it too forever for any sort of warmth to actually stick with Kyle but after three sets of sweatpants, two t-shirts, two hoodies, and four pairs of socks she was back in business. Jake and Josh kept calling her the Stay Puft Marshmallow woman and she would turn around and kick them with rather soft foot while claiming that she seriously hated them all and if they weren't careful she would dump them into the Bering Sea.

It was on an rather stormy evening that Kyle was situated in one of the booths in the kitchen, back against the wall and legs crossed on the bench. Her eyes were closed as she relived the nightmare of being in the Bering Sea and how it would have felt to not have the safety of knowing your crew was coming to get you. The thoughts were depressing and rather morbid but she couldn't help herself. What if the crew hadn't been there? What if she had been stuck, drowning in the Bering Sea?

"**What are you doing?"**

Kyle looked up and smiled slightly at the familiar glean in Jake's hazel eyes. It was ridiculous how much she had missed seeing him every day. While seeing him now was enough for her to dismiss her train of thought it didn't make it go away altogether.

"**Silent treatment. What did I do now?"** Jake asked as he loomed over her, his nose brushing hers and then burying in her neck. This, of course, made the woman squeal embarrassingly and push him away. He backed away and offered his hand to help her up.

"**Tired."** She confided as took his hand and he pulled her up, wrapping an arm around her. Her eyes closed of their own volition as Jake led her toward his room and his bed. **"I think I can have few layers now."** She muttered as she pulled at her socks.

Jake chuckled and helped her until she was in one pair of socks, one set of pajama pants, and a shirt and hoodie. They still worried about any kind of hypothermia and the men kept a constant eye on her. **"Okay now?"** He asked as he watched her pull herself up into his bunk and lay down.

Kyle turned her head and smiled, nodding her head. **"Would be better if you were here."** Jake stepped on his brother's bed and pulled Kyle closer to him, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"**Got wheel watch for Pops. I'll be in after."** If they weren't already waking up. In which case he would just see her when she woke up. Her eyes were already closed and he heard her breathing even out before he even had a chance to earn a reply. He shook his head as she hopped down from his brother's bunk and made for the door.

"**Love you J."**

Jake smiled broadly at this and ducked his head as his cheek's reddened a little as well; not that it matter because no one was around. **"Love you too Kyle."**

( Little Lion Man - Mumford & Sons )**  
**


	6. Oh Come On

Hey everyone! Just once again want to say thank you to everyone that is reading and reviewing this story! It honestly means a lot to me. I also want to say that I realize this particular chapter is a little shorter than most but I'm trying to at least post a chapter once every other night or so. Anyway! Thank you for reading. Oh, and I've also made a short fanvid for the story and will post the link on my profile if you're interested.

**Disclaimer:  
**I don't own anything but Kyle and her family.

s_ometimes we're stubborn like rain  
_**chapter six ,**

Cupcakes were everywhere. They covered the entire surface of the kitchen and were stuffed into the microwave. A cake was shoved haphazardly into the refrigerator and a small blue bowl of icing was shoved somewhere in there as well from what his hazel eyes could see before he slammed the door.

Jake shook his head as he opened the door and stepped into the ready-room, having taken a quick bathroom break and took the opportunity to down a Red Bull. He wondered if anyone else had realized just how much baking Kyle was actually doing. He, Josh, and Phil knew that baking was something Kyle McDaniel seemed to do when her mind was working overtime; it was one of the things she did for stress relief.

He lit a cigarette as he stepped onto the deck looking over at the woman as she secured a pot onto the stack. She had insisted on getting to climb up to the top of the stack and make sure everything was tied up right. Jake had argued with his dad about it but in the end she had made too many good points to be ignored.

"**You get the feeling something is wrong?"** Jake asked his older brother as he looked up at Kyle.

Oh, yeah. Josh Harris definitely knew something was wrong with Kyle but she wasn't fessing up to anyone. He looked at his brother and nodded. As far as he knew Jake and Kyle weren't actually speaking. They would still act like a couple when they could but he hadn't actually seen them speak to each other at all. **"Yeah."**

Jake removed his cap and ran his fingers through his short hair for a moment before replacing the cap and lifting his hood to cover his head. He knew he needed to confront Kyle about whatever was going on but he couldn't get himself to.

When his brother nudged him Jake snapped out of his daze and picked up the throwing hook, casting it out into the Bering Sea and catching the line the first time. He pulled up the line and put it in the block. A few seconds later the pot was coming up and Josh gave a whoop as it was filled. At least they were having good luck with the crab.

A hint of a grin touched his lips as Kyle laughed at something Freddie said. She tossed a rather small crab at him and Freddie picked it up and threw it right back at her. The woman shook her head as she picked it up and tossed it over the side of the Cornelia Marie.

* * *

Kyle unwrapped Jake's arm from her waist, moving slowly as not to wake the sleeping man. When he sighed in his sleep she froze. Shit. After a moment, and he remained still, she slid out of the bed and felt her feet hit Josh's bed. Shit. Shit. Shit. There was no movement or a word and she let out a relieved breath; apparently Josh wasn't in his bed. Thank God.

She opened the door and stepped out into the galley feeling a little hopeful that no one was around as she took in the dark surroundings. She sat at the table and picked up the pack of cigarettes and lighter, shaking one out and putting it to her lips. The room lit up for a brief moment as she lit the tip of the cigarette and breathed in. The woman sat at the table quietly until she finished her cigarette and then got up, deciding to see if Phil was in the wheelhouse. If there was ever a time to talk to him it would be now.

Her hands found their way into the pocket of her hoodie as she climbed the steps up to the wheelhouse and was surprised to find Josh resting in the chair across from Phil's. So that's where he was. He turned around and offered her a sleepy smile as she took a seat on the bench just behind Phil. The room stayed quiet for a few minutes until Phil decided to break the silence.

**"What's been going on Half Pint?"** He questioned as he turned around to face her. Just like Jake and Josh, and probably the rest of the crew, he knew something was off about his youngest deckhand.

Kyle remained quiet as she debated on unloading on Phil. The only reason she was second guessing herself was because of Josh's presence but she knew he wouldn't divulge her worries to anyone and so with a soft sigh she opened her mouth. **"I don't think I can keep doing this."**

Phil felt like he should have been more surprised by her words but he really wasn't. After Arthur's passing he had expected her to stay in Washington with her mother but she had surprised them all by saying she wanted to return for the next year's King Crab fishing season. **"Was it because of being on the Northwestern?"**

"**No. I mean, no I wasn't exactly thrilled with switching boats and I love the guys over there but that's not it. I think it was being in the Bering Sea, realizing that we could all be lost out here."**

It was a sobering thought and it made the silence in the room a little uncomfortable. Josh cleared his throat and turned to look at Kyle. **"Have you talked to Jake about this?"**

Kyle shook her head and looked down. She and Jake hadn't been speaking very often if at all. They still slept together and showed little bits of affection toward each other but their conversations held nothing of substance and Kyle had a feeling a lot of it was _still_ because of her stunt with Nich. Then there was also the fact she was missing her brother and had already come to the conclusion that she wasn't too keen on being separated from him either.

"**Kyle whatever you want to do – stay on or go back home – we won't hold it against you. If you want to stay on you know we'd like that but if you choose to go home there will always be a spot here for you. You just need to do what you need to do."** Phil said with a slight smile as he lit another cigarette. **"That's all we want for you, to be happy. That's what your dad would want."**

She felt like such a child. Kyle felt as if she was reliving her moments of doubt from last year all over again. She wanted crab fishing to be for her because it was something she honestly loved to do. She just didn't feel as if she was in the right mindset for it. The woman smiled gratefully at the two men before looking out at the Bering Sea.

"**You should talk to Jake."**

Kyle looked over at Josh and nodded, knowing he was more than right about that. She would have to, and soon. Running her fingers through her hair she looked down at her sock covered feet feeling more confused than she had before. She looked up at Phil. **"How much longer till we reach the next string?"**

"**Half an hour. Wanna start getting everyone up?"** He asked as he turned his head to look at her. **"I give you permission to dump ice water on Jake if it helps."** Phil's laugh was raspy as he mentally pictured the look on his younger son's face.

"**I may just take you up on that."**

* * *

**"Five-seven. Fifty-seven."** Kyle said as she held up the numbers with her fingers for Phil to see. She lowered her hands and helped to slide the pot into place.

This was their last string for the King Crap season and everyone was pretty grateful for that. They had two weeks off before Opilio Crab season began. Josh helped Kyle up to the top of the stack so she could secure it with chains.

Neither she nor Phil or Josh had spoken of what she had revealed to them since that night, giving her space to figure out what she wanted. The only thing Josh hoped was that she would talk to Jake before it was too late. He turned around and walked back to the rail so that he could throw the hook to catch the next buoy.

**"Hang on! Hang on!"**Came Phil's voice suddenly over the hailer.

Kyle had no idea what was going but she held onto the pots and prayed to God they were really secured as a rogue wave washed over the deck of the Cornelia Marie. Her eyes closed as her fingers felt as if they were being pried from the chain they were wrapped around. _Oh come on._

**( little too much – natasha bedingfield )**


	7. In A Bad Way Or A Good Way ?

Yay! So another chapter is ready to rock and roll. =D But stick with me before you get to the good stuff because I've got a few announcements about the Been Here All Along Saga. Yep, yep, yep.

**Numero Uno-**  
I have been thinking about this for a long time and I think I'm finally in a place where I can do this so here it goes – I would love, love, love to do an in-character interview with the characters in my story. And you, all the lovely people who read my stories, get to throw out whatever questions you wish to have answered. Just shoot me a PM with what character(s) and what question(s) and we'll be good to go.

**Numero Dos -**  
Does anyone have/know a fan-LJ community for Deadliest Catch? If not would anyone be interested in starting one? I think it would be easier to keep my stuff orgainzed and it would also be amazing to go over the week's episodes and offer up various graphics. Hell, even making one on Invisionfree or Proboards would be awesome. Just lemme know if you know of something/want to help set something up.

**Numero Tres -**  
I'm putting together a little Fanmix for the whole of BHAA with songs I feel fit for Jake/Kyle + the rest of their family. Anyway, it's just in the works but I will surely let you guys know when something more is happening with that.

**Numero Cuatro-**  
This is a GINORMOUS thank you to EVERYONE reading the stories. Whether you've reviewed or not. I lovelovelove your reviews but trust me, I hate the people that threaten to quit writing if you don't review so believe me when I say I'm not like that. You review, you review. But regardless, thank youX10000 for reading and supporting this story. Good things are in store folks. Promise.

**DISCLAIMER -  
**I own nada.

_cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way_**  
chapter seven ,**

As the water receded from the deck hazel eyes moved from body to body, making sure everyone was still where they were supposed to be. Finally, Jake looked up to the stack of pots. In an instant he and Josh were rushing toward the stack.

"**Oh** **my God."**Josh said as he climbed up the pots and pried Kyle McDaniel from the very top.

Never again. Never again would Jake let her be the one to secure the pots and his heart concurred as it seemed to start beating once more. The man's hands held onto her as Josh lowered her down but was surprised when she shook her head and laughed. His grip on her loosened the slightest bit, unsure of what was going on.

**"Did you see that shit? That was _insane_!" **Kyle declared as she shook herself off, icy water spraying all around her. She was sure everyone appreciated that. **"What?"**She stopped to ask as everyone was staring at her with confused/concerned/shocked expressions on their faces.

**"Are you nuts?"** Jake questioned in disbelief. She had nearly been pulled overboard and she sounded more bubbly in personality than they had been used to; or would expect for someone who just got attacked by the Bering Sea. He removed his cap and tried to dry it out as best he could before putting it back on his head. There had to be some sort of explanation for Kyle's behavior. Shock, maybe.

"**Alright guys. Few more pots and we're done. Get a move on."**Phil's voice called out over the hailer, succeeding in breaking up the strange event on deck.

Kyle smiled broadly at Phil's words. **"You heard the Captain. Let's go."**

* * *

To say the crew wasn't dumbfounded by Kyle's sudden change in behavior after the rogue wave hit would be a gross understatement. She was all smiles and witty retorts which was very strange compared to the almost robotic and cool demeanor they had been privy to before. It was really weirding everyone out. It was as if the wave had done some sort of Invasion of the Body Snatchers number on her.

"**I'm gonna grab more coffee. Anyone need more?"** Dave asked as he stood up from the table, mug in hand.

Kyle raised her hand and slid her cup his way. **"Me please."**

Dave raised an eyebrow as he looked at Jake who only shook his head and mouthed the word _no_. Right. He would let Jake handle that.

"**No more coffee. The last thing you need is more caffeine."** Jake said as he got up and took her coffee cup, tossing it into the sink. Eh. They would have to do dishes later anyway. He leaned against the counter and grinned as his hazel eyes met the blue eyed death glare Kyle was sending his way.

"**What are you, the Coffee Nazi?" **She retorted. The woman crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back on the bench. **"I wish Jack were here. He would get me more coffee unlike you party poopers."**

"**No he wouldn't."** Josh replied instantly. That was a lie and he was certain Kyle knew it too. If her brother could see her acting this way (meaning her change in personality) he would have pulled her into the other room and full on confronted her about it. He would never have ignored it as the rest of them were doing.

The woman rolled her eyes at her friend. So what if he was right? Jackson wasn't here so it really didn't make a difference. **"Fine. I'll just get my own coffee then."** She made to get up but didn't even get the chance to slide out from the booth before Jake was sliding in next to her, effectively blocking her exit. **"What the hell?"** She questioned. What was going on with everybody? **"Move Jake."** The woman said, voice rising slightly as she grew more frustrated.

Josh nearly laughed as everyone abandoned the room, including himself. Maybe Jake was actually going to confront Kyle about her odd behavior. While he did want to see what was going to happen he knew better than to be in the room when Jake and Kyle got into it. He liked his appendages where they were. He shook his head as he slipped into the room he shared with Jake and Kyle.

Even though arguing over the woman consuming more caffeine was a little ridiculous it was more of the whole straw that broke the camel's back thing. Jake was slowly losing his patience with the woman and her completely shutting him and everyone else out. And then when the wave hit she seemed to go back to normal; that was completely opposite of how he thought she might act. Now everything was seeming to reach a head.

"**Move."** Kyle ordered again, even going as far as to _poke_ the man's side to get him to move. She huffed as he did the opposite and moved closer to her. Was he really trying to play this game with her? How old was he, four? **"What the fuck is your problem?"** She finally asked.

Jake knew he was only being more annoying and doing more damage than actually trying to get to the heart of the matter but he couldn't help himself. Kyle was literally trapped against the wall now and he was more than likely going to regret putting her there. Shrugging his shoulders he lifted his legs so that his feet rested on the bench opposite him. **"Nothing. What the fuck is your problem?"** Yep. Jake Harris was _so_ mature.

Okay. Now she _knew_ he was messing with her. The fucker. So, instead of giving him more ammunition, she became silent. She glared at the smug looking man for few silent moments before looking away. Nope. She wouldn't say a word. Not a fucking word. Her arms crossed over her chest as she stared at the wall.

Moments later she scratched at her neck as though she had felt something touch it. Another minute went by and the thing she had thought she had felt was back, and yep, there was definitely something there. Her eyes opened and she glanced to the side, realizing that Jake was beginning to press light kisses to the nape of her neck. **"What are you doing?"**

Jake had meant to stay there, silently, for as long as Kyle wanted to but then he kind of, sort of, maybe a little bit, got distracted. He'd blown on her neck and she had moved her fingers over the area, as if to soothe it somehow. Then it got him thinking about her neck and that was how the whole him kissing along her neck had started. He looked up for a second before backing away, shrugging his shoulders.

Was it some form of distraction so that she wouldn't remember she was _mad_ at Jake Harris? Kyle was inclined to believe so. **"You going to tell me what your problem is?"** She asked again. Broken record anyone?

"**You're my problem."**

Okay. How smooth did he really think he was? Instead of arguing over the entire thing when she already felt so tired she grinned slightly and shook her head with a soft sigh. **"Yeah? In a good way or a bad way?"**

Yep. Plan Sidetrack Kyle was in full swing. **"A good way, of course."** He looked into her deep blue eyes as he placed a hand on the side of her face, thumb moving over the soft skin of her cheek for a moment.

"**So freaking smooth Harris, so smooth."** And whatever had happened before this was forgotten as she moved her hand up his arm, fingers automatically traveling the paths his tattoos led her on up to his shoulder and then around to the back of his neck. From there they tangled in the ends of his short hair and brought his mouth _that_ much closer to hers.

"**Wouldn't have it any other way. You know it."**The man muttered clumsily against her lips.

* * *

Exhaustion finally overtook Kyle and she passed out in Jake's bunk, completely curled around him. His fingers ran through her hair softly and he chuckled quietly when she only gave a content sigh and pulled closer to him. How badly he wanted into her head, to figure out what was going on in that complex mind of hers.

"**She asleep?"**

Jake turned his head slightly to double check and sure enough, her eyes were closed and her breathing was even. **"Yeah. What's up?"**

Josh slid out of the bottom bunk and stood up so he could see Jake properly in the dimly lit room. His fingers carded through his hair as he looked over Jake's form to see Kyle curled up on her side, Jake's hand held loosely in her own. **"She doing okay?"**

"**We didn't talk about anything. Distracted her from going off on me and then told her we should get to bed. She was definitely down for that idea."** He had barely been able to get her up from the booth in the kitchen and to the room before she had passed out. He had had to literally pick her up and place her in the bunk.

Josh nodded as he sat down on the edge of his bed. He really wanted to tell Jake about Kyle's serious doubts for returning for the next crab season. He knew it wasn't exactly his place but no matter what Jake was and would always be his little brother... And that was when the instinct to protect the little bastard really set in. **"She's thinking about not coming back."** The man said before he could stop himself.

The younger Harris laid there in the dark, silently considering his brother's revelation. **"Did she tell you that?"**

"**Yeah. Told me and dad."**

He was oddly prepared to hear that. His only wish was that Kyle would have turned to him rather than have confided in only Josh and Phil. Jake had thought they had come pretty far in the relatively short amount of time he and Kyle had been together but obviously Kyle didn't trust him as much as he hoped she did.

"**You okay dude?"** Josh asked as the silence between them seemed to go on for too long. Jake more than likely wasn't alright with what he had said but he would never show or tell Josh that. His fingers ran through his hair as he laid back and stared up at the wooden planks securing the bed above him.

"**I think it's all finally getting to her. She can be so stubborn sometimes."** Not that Jake had any room to speak. Internalizing emotions was something he knew all about. It was the main reason he and Kyle argued, because they couldn't seem to admit their weaknesses or their feelings to each other. Was it really any wonder it had taken them so long to start an actual relationship?

Sometimes Kyle McDaniel was such a pillar of strength that Josh often forgot how guarded she could be and how much of a little actress that she was. She had taken the death of her father pretty well as far as he could really see. Yes she had had her moments where she was pretty distant but he had never seen her actually breakdown.

Josh sighed as he sat up and moved his legs over the side of his bunk, getting to his feet. **"Think I'm going to go see if the old man wants to get any sleep."** More like force Phil to close his eyes for a bit. When he was answered with a quiet 'alright' he walked to the door and stepped out of the room.

* * *

Only a few more hundred crabs to throw into the brailer bag and they would officially be finished with the Red King crab season. Thank God. It had been such an exhausting trip. After working almost twenty hours to clean out the tanks everyone was ready to head out and go to their respective homes.

None more so than Kyle. There was still so much she had to do before she could leave Alaska. Well, no, not really. The only thing she had to do was tell Jake about her final decision; one he would not be too enthused about. She knew she needed to give Jake more credit but there was something about it that caused her to become really anxious when she thought about telling him.

Their mutual understanding of not speaking about anything serious was still going on and she had to applaud him for not pushing her. Kyle realized she hadn't been acting quite right but there was so much going on inside of her head that she didn't honestly know how to feel anything but completely and hopelessly lost.

* * *

"**Hey. You ready to go?"** Jake asked as he appeared in the doorway, bag slung over his shoulder.

Kyle jumped as the sound of his voice broke through her thoughts. She looked over her shoulder and nodded, picking up her own bag and lugging it out of the door.

It was as they stood on the pier, just feet away from the Cornelia Marie that Jake finally had to stop. For once he was actually grateful they were the last to leave the boat. He dropped his bag and turned to face the woman. **"What's been going on with you?"**

The woman was taken by surprise at the question and lowered her bag to the ground as she considered it. Running from him and the situation was no longer an option and she ran her fingers through her hair. **"What do you mean?"**

Were they really going to do this? **"Can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me something hasn't been up with you?"**

No. She couldn't but she met his gaze anyway. **"You really want to know?"**

Jake stepped closer to her, reaching a hand out to touch her arm. He wasn't sure why this was so difficult for her but it honestly didn't matter. If she could just be honest with him and tell him what had been going on then that was all he really needed. **"Yeah, Kyle, I do."**

"**I'm not coming back for Opies. I think I'm done."**

He nodded his head. The relief on her face from telling him made it that much more apparent that this was what she honestly believed was the right decision. Good for her. He dropped his hand from her arm and stooped down to grab his bag. **"I thought you might be."**

"**There's something else Jake."** Kyle frowned as he lowered his bag and straightened up to look at her. Her heart sank low in her chest as she looked him over and really wished she could figure out someway to get through all of this and not hurt him in the process. **"I think we need to take a break."**

Jake definitely hadn't seen that coming. He was pretty sure he had stopped breathing for a moment. **"What are you talking about?"** Hadn't he been there for her? Hadn't he done pretty much everything he could think of to help her through this? Why was she suddenly talking about a break up?

"**I just- Jake."** She stepped forward but he stepped back, away from her. Lowering her gaze to the wooden pier below them she blinked back tears. As she raised her head and met his gaze she realized he was angry, his hazel eyes darkened to a deep green.

"**No. Kyle, no. You don't get to talk. My turn here."** He took a breath as she stepped closer to her. If she really wanted a break from them, fine, he would give her the break she apparently needed. Whatever. **"You won't talk to me, you barely talk to anyone else, and I know that you've been through hell with your dad dying and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Kyle. But I've been there. You and me, remember? Standing beside you while you went from being happy to moody to depressed to stubborn to whatever else you felt like showing that day. I stood up for you and I still do. I fucking love you Kyle." **He took another breath before picking up his bag and throwing it over his shoulder. **"You really want to walk away from this? Right now?"**

The woman merely nodded her head, as if she wasn't entirely sure it was what she really wanted to do. **"Jake, I just need you to ****understand." **Kyle finally managed to say. This didn't seem to phase Jake much as he didn't even turn around to face her again. **"I love you. I just feel so lost right now, in my own skin."**

Jake turned around, the words already in the forefront of his mind. **"You go. Go figure out who you are and get your shit together. You know where I'll be when you finally figure it out."**

And with that Jake walked off, leaving an even more confused Kyle standing on the pier beside the Cornelia Marie. What the fuck had she just done?

( breathe – taylor swift )


	8. What If They Didn't ?

Hey guy! I know, I know. It's been a long time but A LOT has happened in the last year.  
I got a new job, met a boy, got engaged, and moved out of my parents house.  
So I've been really busy. I can't promise I'll update all the time but I'm going to try and  
finish this story. I've recently got re-inspired thanks to watching Glee again. For some  
reason the music always inspires me (even though they're mostly all covers). Anyway,  
I'm going to do my best to finish this story. I'm even working on the next chapter as we  
speak. Thank you guys for being patient and I really do have the best supporters of  
the Kyle/Jake story. Thanks again!

**Credit - See chapter one.**

**You know we're headed separate ways**  
_Chapter Eight_

"**Seriously, what the hell is taking him so long."** Summer muttered to herself as she fell back onto the couch. They were supposed to leave for the movies a few minutes ago yet here she was still waiting on Jackson. **"Would you move your ass McDaniel?"** She called down the hallway.

Jackson's hands were shaking so he shoved them into the pockets of his jeans only to withdraw them a second later to flatten out his orange Polo shirt. Fuck. He cleared his throat and ran his fingers through his hair. **"Keep your panties on, I'm coming."** He hollered back.

Here went everything.

* * *

Needless to say, after the events that went down in Dutch Harbor Kyle McDaniel was in a foul mood. And she had been since they had arrived back home a week ago. There was this stupid Summer and Jack thing she had to deal with, losing her boyfriend because of the stupid idea she had to go on a quest of self discovery, oh, and there was the fact that Nicholas Cohen was back in the picture.

This was completely her own fault. She had called him upon arriving back home and they'd talked for a little while; meaning she had unloaded all of her shit onto him while he listened silently on the other side of the phone. After a little while he said he had some time off and he could come try to cheer her up – if she wanted.

Obviously Kyle wanted some distraction and quickly agreed that this was exactly what she needed/wanted. So, that Friday night, she stood staring the mirror, laughing to herself. Not even with Jake had she gone through as much effort to pull herself together and look halfway decent. With Jake it never mattered because he accepted her the way she was; which was messy and smelly half of the time due to the whole crab fishing thing.

With one last run of her fingers through her wavy hair she decided it was going to have to do. It wasn't like this was anything more than two friends going out to dinner and catching up. Right?

Josh felt like they had _just_ gotten over this whole Kyle and Jake separation thing. Obviously that was not the case. He looked over at his brother and grunted. The bastard was crashed on _his _couch, refusing to move.

"**Dude, you gotta get out of here. Nicole's coming over and you're not allowed to lay there while she's here."**

"**Don't see why I can't."**

"**Because this is _my_ apartment. Besides that, I say so. Get out."** Josh reached down and picked up a discarded shoe, nearly positive it belonged to his younger brother, and lobbed it at him. He let out a sound of triumph as it smacked the kid in the face.

Jake sat up and gave his brother a glare that should have ended Josh's life but somehow the douche-bag was still standing. The world was just out to get him. **"Fine. Whatever. Don't come crying to me when she breaks your heart. You can't trust girls."**

Josh Harris merely waved his brother off before slamming the door behind Jake.

"**Asshole!"**

And the only thing Josh could really do was laugh.

* * *

Dinner actually went surprisingly well. Nicholas was just as funny, interesting, and charming as Kyle remembered. He was extremely attentive as well when she began to explain why things had ended between her and Jake.

"**After dad died and with the things that had gone on last season I just felt like I had lost my identity. I wasn't sure why I was doing what I was doing anymore. I think this is a chance for me to figure out who I am and what I want to do."**

Nicholas nodded his head, listening carefully. To be honest, he completely cared about Kyle and what she was going through. Selfishly he had been waiting for things to not pan out for her and Jake simply because he had had a bit of a thing for her. And time apart didn't seem to make that go away at all. **"So did ****you explain that to him?"**

Kyle paused a moment as she took a drink from the bottle of beer situated in front of her. **"I tried, a bit. I don't think I tried hard enough. As soon as he said to go and figure my shit out I took that and ran. This is best for the both of us, I just know it."** At least she sincerely hoped it was. There were man times she missed Jake and regretted her decision but weren't the hardest decisions to make usually the right ones?

There was no doubt in Nich's mind that Kyle and Jake were meant to be together. He had seen them interact and had seen the way the universe seemed to pull them together. He just thought they were _still_ fighting the inevitable. While before he would have helped her and would have told her to chase Jake down again he wouldn't do that this time. It was time the two grew up and discovered the truth on their own. Nicholas was mainly here to spend time with Kyle and see what became of that. He never claimed to be anyone's knight in shining whatever.

"**Do you think I did the right thing?"** Kyle finally asked.

"**I think you did what you needed to do. Another beer?"**

Kyle nodded. Yeah, why not? Where did she have to be tomorrow anyway?

* * *

"**What took you so long?"**

Jackson laughed as he surveyed his girlfriend. Her blond hair was slightly frizzy and it gave her the aura of being slightly upset. He would make it up to her; he just needed a few more minutes.

"**Are you just going to stand there and stare? What's going on with you?"**

And that's when Jackson hit his knee, wrapping his arm around it as if in pain. A cruel trick yes, but it would all pay off later.

"**Oh my God Jackson. What the hell happened?"**

"**Think I hit it on something in the bedroom."** He held out his hand to her as if he wanted her to help him up. As soon as she wrapped her hand around his he pulled her down so she was sitting on his lap.

"**You're really starting to freak me out."**

He placed a finger to her lips and then removed it to place a quick kiss to them. **"I've got something I need to tell you."**

"**Does it have to do with why we're so late to the movie?"**

"**Kind of. Just listen, alright?"** Once she nodded he cleared his throat again and did one last mental preparation. **"Since the first time I saw you I knew you were the one for me Summer Ford. It was the way you looked at me, like you knew I had something on my mind more than just what kind of beer I needed. It's the way you reach out to others to help them even though sometimes you really don't want to. It's the way you laugh at things that others wouldn't really laugh at – like Kyle's corny jokes. It's how your eyes seem to brighten when you see me. There are a million more things about you that I love and I want to spend the rest of my life telling you. I want to spend the rest of my life being with you. Will you marry me?"**

It was so quiet in the apartment you could have heard a pen drop, literally. And then the waterworks started and Jackson tried to take that as a positive sign.

"**I didn't mean to-"**

But he didn't get to finish his sentence before Summer was wrapping her arms around his neck and hauling him in for a major, room spinning kiss. She held out her hand a moment later and Jackson slipped the ring onto the appropriate finger.

"**Jackson?"**

"**Yeah?"**

"**We're getting married."** Summer whispered before kissing him once more.

* * *

"**So do you want to come back to my place."**

"**You have a place?"**

"**Well, I have a hotel room."**

Kyle considered this for a moment. A break from home would be nice. What the hell. **"Sure. Lead the way Cohen."**

Nich grinned as he caught her hand and turned her around, leading her in the direction of the hotel he was currently staying at.

"**'M not drunk by the way."**

"**You're not?"**

"**Nope. Just a bit tipsy."** And Kyle felt she was completely justified in that as well. She had been through a hell of year. Getting drunk once (maybe a few more times) was completely okay. **"Yep. Just tipsy."**

"**Whatever you say Ace."** Nich shook his head as he walked with her down the street, seeing the hotel just ahead. As the reached it he nodded to the doorman who opened the door for the pair and laughed as Nich had to pull Kyle so she didn't run into the glass door. **"Thanks man."** He said as he handed the doorman a twenty.

"**I like this place."** Kyle announced as she looked over the interior of the building. **"Kind of homey. Can't wait to see what they've done with the rooms."**

Nich chuckled as he walked her to the elevator and let her push the button, mainly because she insisted on doing so. Once they were on the elevator, things seemed to get kind of tense.

"**You wanna kiss me?"** Kyle asked, leaning on the wall just behind Nich.

Well yeah, that was a given. But he wouldn't do anything unless she wanted to; Kyle was calling the shots. So, naturally, he turned it around on her. **"Do you want to kiss me?"**

Kyle knew she did. The question was was it Nich she wanted to kiss or was it Jake? And seeing as Jake wasn't here and they weren't technically dating anymore, was it wrong? And was it also because she missed kissing? Though more specifically she missed kissing Jake Harris. At some point during her silent quest to figure out what she wanted she must of somehow let Nich know exactly what she wanted.

His hands framed either side of her face and his lips were a few inches from hers, his warm breath carrying the smell of mint to her nose. Without a second thought she closed the distance and pressed her lips to his. Her fingers wound through his hair and her eyes closed as she tried to figure out why exactly this felt so okay but so completely wrong at the same time.

Nich was out of breath when he separated himself from Kyle, the elevator door opening interrupting the heated moment. **"Come on."**He said softly, taking her hand in his.

* * *

Jake laid on the floor of his dad's house staring at the four walls around him. His gaze lingered on the side farthest from him, the one with shelves that went from floor to ceiling, records stacked neatly in alphabetical order according to band name. It had taken him and Kyle one whole summer to get everything just right. Hell, it had taken them nearly all summer just to decide what the correct order was. Was it according to band name or should it be by genre? Maybe they should have done it numerically by date of release?

He sat up for a moment. There was the AC/DC record she had found at a garage sale. And there was the Needtobreathe record he had bought her for her birthday. Kings of Leon, Phil Collins, Ryan Bingham, The Doors. Those were all hers. She needed them back.

And that was how he began to collect everything that reminded him of Kyle. He couldn't hold onto that stuff right now. It hurt too much. Actually, all of him hurt. Every single bone in his body hurt.

He felt as if he had been robbed of something. He felt as if Kyle had robbed him of something – herself. They had finally reached good place, a place they could work with. And she let him go. She needed space.

No, Jake couldn't blame her. But it still hurt like hell. He looked at the small piles of things that were Kyle's and what reminded him of her. Maybe he should keep it. Just in case. Maybe she would change her mind and realize they were supposed to be together. But what if she didn't?

( Too Close - Alex Clare )


	9. Help Me Find My Allie ?

_we're meeting for the first time_

**chapter 9**

**disclaimer:**

See chapter one.

* * *

Josh really didn't want to do this. He honest to God did not want to do this. He looked at the boxes that were set on Kyle's doorstep. This wasn't fair. How did he always get wrapped up in this stuff. He sighed as he knocked on the door.

The door opened a moment later and standing before him was Mrs. McDaniel. **"Hey, is Kyle home?"**

Pam looked even more tired than usual. Ever since Art's death she hadn't been the same and no one could really expect her too. She shook her head and looked down at the boxes. **"No. She's out with one of her friends. Some boy by the name of Nich. I've never met him before, do you know him?"**

Josh shook his head. The name sounded vaguely familiar but he couldn't figure out why that was. **"Ok. Well, Jake wanted me to give this stuff to her." **He looked down and frowned. This seemed really messed up.

"**Are they really over?"**

It was a really good question and one that Josh wished he knew the answer to. Again, he sighed. **"I don't know. There's no telling with those two."**

Pam nodded her head. **"Alright. I'll make sure she gets these."**

"**Thanks Mrs. McD." **Josh turned and started down the driveway. He turned back around a second later. **"Hey, you wouldn't happen to know what Nich's last name is would you?"**

Pam thought for a moment before answering. **"I think it was Cohen? Is there any reason why you need to know?"**

"**No. Just was curious." **Damn, that name was really familiar.

* * *

Kyle sat in her room the next morning, looking at the boxes. This was her stuff from Jake's house. This stung. A lot.

She pulled out a few of her records and flipped through them. Some were ones Jake had bought her for various holidays and some were bought just because. It had always been one of the hobbies they had done together. Guess she was going to have to go solo on this hobby from now on.

Her gaze drifted to a picture hung up on her wall of her, Jake, Josh and Jackson taken about a year ago. Things might have been more complicated then but at least they were stable and her and Jake were talking. God. She missed him.

It was one of the reasons why nothing had happened with her and Nich the previous night. She just couldn't. All she could see in her head was Jake and of the look he had given her the night he had left her standing alone in Dutch Harbor. This was all her fault.

Why did she have to be so stupid?

* * *

"**So he finally asked you?"**

"**Yeah."**

"**Let me see it again!" **Nicole exclaimed. She couldn't believe Jackson and Summer were going to get married.

Kyle smiled a little. So maybe she hadn't been 100% on board for her brother marrying Summer but now that she had gotten over herself she found she was actually pretty excited. **"Did you guys talk about a date yet?"**

Summer shook her head. **"Not yet. Just think we're trying to get used to being **_**engaged**_**. It's weird. It'll probably be next year or so."**

"**Have you talked about where or who you're going to invite or anything?"**

"**Nope. But I've been thinking about it. And I would really love for you two to split maid of honor duties."**

Kyle and Nicole looked at each other. Hey, they could totally do that. **"You got it boss lady. I want to plan the shower."**

"**And I'll plan the bachelorette party. I'm thinking, Vegas. We ****can go all Bridesmaids. Except no food poisoning, no drugging people, and no fighting." **Nicole said with a nod. **"This is going to be amazing. It's about time something happy happened around here."**

Kyle nodded her head in agreement. Nicole was right about that. **"Now, would you want a shower by yourself or a combined shower?" **

"**Not really sure. Guess I would have to talk to Jackson about that." **It really didn't matter to Summer which option they went with. She wasn't even sure when she and Jackson were actually going to get married. They hadn't really talked about it much.

It wasn't really that they weren't excited about the whole thing it was just they wanted to enjoy being engaged. Plus, the whole idea of planning a wedding made Summer want to hyperventilate. She and Jackson had joked they could just go down to the courthouse and finalize things that way and Summer was actually considering this.

Was it weird she didn't want an actual wedding? She had never been the type of girl to dream about her wedding day. Sure she had wanted to be married and have kids but her the actual day she said "I do" had never been something she had thought about. She supposed she really did need to talk to Jackson and figure out what it was they wanted to do.

* * *

Nicole looked down at Josh, his head was resting on her lap and his eyes were closed. He looked peaceful like that, the lines of worry on his face had disappeared. She knew they would reappear momentarily as she asked him the question that had been on her mind since the lunch she had had with Summer and Kyle. **"So, have they spoken yet?"**

Opening his eyes slowly, Josh sighed. He knew this was coming. **"I don't think so. I dropped some stuff off at her house the other day. She wasn't home but I got to talk to her mom for a few minutes."  
**

"**Oh?"**

"**Yep. Kyle wasn't there. She was out with some guy named Nich Cohen. His name sounds familiar but I can't figure out why." **That little fact was actually still bothering him. He just couldn't figure out why that name sounded so damn familiar.

Nicole thought about this for a moment. _Cohen, Cohen, Cohen. _**_"_Is he a photographer?"**

Oh. Shit. It couldn't be the same guy right? There was no way Kyle would do that to Jake. She wouldn't right? Shit.

"**What is it?" **Nicole asked, noticing the look on Josh's face. Something wasn't right.

"**I think that's the guy that Kyle messed around with before she and Jake actually got together."**

"**No. Seriously?"**

Josh nodded. **"I think so."**

"**Shit."**

* * *

"**What are you thinking?"**

"**What?"**

"**Why are you dating the guy you were with before you and Jake got together? Didn't he flip out at you for talking to him the second time around?"**

How the hell did Nicole even know about that? Josh. That little snitch. She was going to kill him for this. Kill. Him. **"It's nothing Nicole. Honestly."  
**

"**You're a terrible liar Kyle, we all know that." **Summer chimed in as she took a sip of the wine sitting in front of her. It was written all over Kyle's face. This was not nothing.

"**Look. Ok. I did like him, I thought I liked him. It's just a comfort type of thing right now. He's a good friend."**

"**Explain to me why you need a comfort thing right now when you broke up with Jake to clear your head and get your act together."**

Thoroughly ashamed was what Kyle was at that moment. What was she doing? **"I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know why I let Jake leave me. I don't know what is going on in my head." **Kyle grabbed at her wine glass and drained its contents. **"I thought I needed space but now I don't know. There was something with Nich, I thought, but now I'm just thinking I don't know how to not be with him. And I don't **_**like **_**him like him. I just like him as a friend. I'm a terrible person. What is wrong with me?"**

"**You need to leave Nich alone. Or just tell him you can't. Tell him you're in love with Jake. Because you so obviously still are. We know you've been through a lot with losing your dad and the stuff on the Bering Sea but you have to make up your mind and be honest with yourself. What do you want Kyle?"**

"**I don't know."**

* * *

Kyle's fingers ran through her hair before she raised her hand to knock on the door before her. This sucked. What was she doing? But before she could answer that question the door opened.

"**Hey. What are you doing here?"**

"**I need to talk to you."**

"**Come in."**

"**What do you want from me?"** Kyle asked as she entered the hotel room and turned to face the blue eyed boy behind her.

It was an unexpected question and Nich could only stare at her for a moment as his brain tried to process it. What did he want from her? **"I want you, Kyle. Just you." **

As Nich neared her Kyle backed up slowly. **"I can't be with you like that Nich. I thought I could, but I can't."**

"**Why not?"**

"**Because I'm still in love with Jake."**

"**I thought so."**

Kyle was surprised, really and truly surprised. **"How did you know?"**

"**It's obvious Kyle. You were never really ready to walk away from Jake. Jake's it for you. He's your Noah and your his Allie."**

"**Did you just use two characters from The Notebook to describe my relationship with Jake?" **Kyle asked, trying not to laugh. That was the funniest thing she had ever heard. And oddly enough, it rang true with her. Hadn't she had that whole dream with her and Jake after watching The Notebook? Well, it wasn't exactly a dream because she'd kind of hit her head on a steering wheel but whatever.

Nich sighed as she steered Kyle over to the couch and made her sit down. **"Do you know how much I've heard you talk about him and how much it kills me to hear you talk about him like you do? I like you Kyle, I honestly do. But I'm beginning to think I don't have much of a chance with you." **It hurt him to admit it but Nich wasn't stupid. He could see the writing on the wall and the writing on the wall said he wasn't Kyle's Jake. Maybe a friend, but that was about it. **"Look, you and I have a lot in common and I thought maybe I'd try things with you but I don't think you're ready to move on and I don't blame you. I'll make you a deal, I'll be the Will to your Grace; only I like girls."**

Kyle stared at Nich. Was he being for real? **"Are you kidding?" **It was the only thing she knew to say at this point. This guy was too good to be true and she felt like bitch for not being able to return his more than friends feelings.

"**Nope. But it will earn you brownie points if you can help me find my Allie." **

(for the first time – the script )


	10. That's A Terrible Idea

_i still see your ghost_

**chapter ten**

**disclaimer:**

See chapter one.

* * *

"**We've decided on Vegas."**

"**Vegas?"**

"**Vegas."**

Jake raised an eyebrow as he thought this over. It did sound pretty interesting. Him, Jackson, and Josh in Vegas for a bachelor party weekend. It had potential. **"I'm in."**

"**So have you guys even set a date yet? Not that I'm an expert on weddings or anything but aren't the parties supposed to be close to the wedding date?" **Josh knew it might have been a little odd that he was asking but the last time he had checked Summer and Jackson weren't even sure when they were going to actually tie the knot.

Jackson nodded, **"Exactly. Summer and I talked it over last night. Neither of us were sure but we decided to do the bachelor and bachelorette parties in the next few weeks and we're going to have a small ceremony at the courthouse with a party afterward."**

"**Sounds good to me. And Summer's okay with a small ceremony at the courthouse?" **Jake asked. He knew Kyle had been adamant about the fact that if they got married she wouldn't get married in a courthouse. She wanted a small ceremony in her parents backyard, a place she had grown up in and it was also a place where they had spent the majority of their lives. It was about coming full circle;at least that's what Kyle had told him. Inwardly he sighed, the memory of that conversation digging into the wound that was just barely starting to heal.

"**Actually she was pretty into it. At first I didn't think she was serious but then she said it sounded like a good idea. She's not really a flashy person anyway. So, yeah."**

"**Vegas it is." **Josh said again, with a grin.

* * *

Kyle kicked off her shoes as she laid on the couch, head in Nich's lap. Ever since Kyle and Nich had had their little sit down things seemed to be really good between them. And she was trying to fulfill her end of the bargain and had even enlisted Nicole and Summer in her quest after she had told them about her and Nich's conversation. They were still a little leery but they trusted Kyle and were learning to trust Nich as well.

"**So how's the shower planning coming?" **Nich asked as he ran his fingers lightly through Kyle's wavy hair.

"**I'm not really planning anything now. Not since they've decided on a short engagement. Nicole's planning the bachelorette party right now and then the wedding is going to be next month."**

"**Any idea where this bachelorette party is going to be?"**

"**I think Vegas. Nicole has been pretty insistent we do it there. I'm game if Summer is. It is her wedding after all." **Kyle turned her head so she could look Nich in the eyes. He really did have pretty eyes. She smiled as he grinned down at her. **"What?"**

"**Is this going to be like the Hangover? Is everyone going to come home having no idea what happened or, better yet, maybe someone will get married there." **

And Nich sounded exactly like a kid at Christmas; super excited about the prospect of having the Hangover come to life. **"I doubt it. We're not that bad." **She laughed as she shook her head.

"**Are you guys going to steal Mike Tyson's tiger?"**

"**Oh my gosh."**

"**That wasn't a no."**

Kyle laughed again and rolled her eyes. **"You're such a dork."**

* * *

Eggs. Why did it seem like they always needed eggs? Did Josh really eat _that_ many eggs? **"What's with the eggs? Every time I grocery shop with you you need eggs."**

"**Well that would be because of the pancakes I make and the fact that Kyle steals a few for baking."  
**

"**Does she really drive to your apartment just to steal your eggs?" **Nicole asked. That seemed really weird if you asked her. Why couldn't she steal some from Jake's house? Then again, she and Jake weren't exactly on speaking terms.

Josh shook his head with a sigh. **"No. She comes over under the pretense of needing eggs but really it's to find out any information she can about how Jake is doing."**

"**It's that bad?"**

"**It's that bad. Jake's no better; he does the same thing. I wish they would just talk to each other. But they won't. Stubborn asses." **He raised an eyebrow as Nicole stood there, her 'I have a crazy idea brewing' look on her face. **"What are you thinking?"**

"**I'm thinking Vegas."**

Right. **"We've already established that Vegas is our bachelor party stomping grounds. You girls can't have it."**

"**And why not?"**

"**Because then there's a chance we'd run into you and you would rain on our parade and plus there would be the whole Jake/Kyle awkwardness."  
**

"**Exactly."**

And now Josh was lost. What the hell was going on in his girlfriend's mind? **"You've lost me."**

"**They'd be in Vegas. Together. Unexpectedly. They'd have to talk. And Kyle wouldn't have anywhere else to go because she's there with us and we'd be her ride and the same goes for Jake. They couldn't get away from each other."**

"**No. No. No. No. What kind of suicide mission are you trying to set up here? That's a terrible idea."**

* * *

"**That's a brilliant idea!" **

Nicole looked smugly over at Josh as Summer agreed with her. That was exactly what she needed, someone in her corner backing up her great idea. **"What do you think Jackson?"**

Oh, he did not want any part of this. He knew his sister and knew, without a doubt, that she would be royally pissed off if she found out that her friends were planning this behind her back. But on the other hand he was getting tired of being put between his childhood friend and his twin sister. **"You know they'll kill us right?"**

* * *

Kyle's fingers skimmed over the vinyl records carefully lined up in their homemade shelves. This was one of her favorite spots and the great thing was only one person knew about this place. And there wasn't a chance he would show up now.

"**You have any more Ryan Bingham Luke?" **

"**Nah. Ordered some more and I got one of his newer ones coming in, just for you. Signed and everything."**

She looked over at the man sitting on a stool behind the register. His hair was starting to match the grey in his beard, his blue eyes twinkled as he smiled at her. **"You always know exactly what I need to hear."**

Luke Parker was the closest thing she had to a father next to Phil; now that her own father was gone. He had been there through all of the ups and downs with Jake and was the reason she had gotten into collecting records in the first place.

She could remember the first day his store had opened. Pam had been taking Kyle to look for shoes for her first day of high school and Kyle could remember looking over and seeing Luke setting up the shop across the street. He had an old beat-up truck sitting outside with boxes stacked dangerously high in the bed of the truck, strapped down with bright red straps.

Kyle had told her mom she would be right back and walked across the street intending to ask the man if he needed any help. Though it was more about the fact that Kyle was extremely curious about what was hidden in the boxes and not as much about helping the guy out. **"Need some help?" **

And that was how a beautiful friendship was started. It was also how Kyle had gotten her first part-time job. Luke had given Kyle a spare record player he had and had even helped her pick out a handful of the most classic LPs: The Beatles, Dean Martin, Led Zeppelin, and last but not least AC/DC.

Kyle sighed as she woke herself up from her stroll down memory lane. The bell on the door went off as it opened and a fresh breeze made it's way through the store.

"**Hey Luke. What's going on?"**

Kyle's heart stopped beating and she couldn't breath.

_Jake._

( some nights - fun. )_  
_


	11. Word Travels Fast

_i'm not the villian_

**chapter eleven**

**note:**

mostly just filler. apologies. getting prepared for the vegas chapter.

**disclaimer:**

See chapter one.

* * *

Jake had been minding his business all day. He had stayed to himself and had even ignored his brother's offer of free food. It was just one of those days where he wanted to be alone; an anti-social kind of day. Everybody had one of those days.

That was how he ended up at Luke's record shop. It was a place Kyle had taken to him just after the start of her freshman year, his sophomore year. She had been so excited about it and couldn't wait to show him the place she would spend her hours after school. She said it was the coolest place she had ever been. And Jake had actually agree with that. It was a very calming place, a place where you could center your thoughts and there was something comforting about touching the sleeves of the vinyls.

It had been a while since he had been to Luke's and on this anti-social day it seemed like a good place to go. If only he had stayed at home. He said hey to Luke as normal and when his eyes scanned the place to see if there were any customers other than himself his eyes fell on one of the store's most regular ones.

_Kyle. _

Of all the days to feel anti-social it was this one.

"**So I know this is going to be pretty awkward. I'm going to head to the back to organize... stuff. Don't let anyone rob the store."**

And with those parting words went Jake's one real chance of getting out of this situation.

"**Hey." **

Kyle's voice was soft and as she looked at Jake she wasn't sure he had heard her. Well, if that was the way he wanted to do things-

"**Hey."**

At least she had spoken to him. That was a start.

* * *

She wasn't the villain here, she wasn't the bad guy. Things had been rough for her. Nearly getting thrown off a boat by a massive wave, her father dying, Jake and her being separated due to Phil and Sig's brilliant idea, her twin brother getting engaged, and yeah it had been one hell of a year. Not to mention the whole Nich debacle.

So she had made some massive errors in judgment. Who hadn't? And if it was normal to make mistakes why did Kyle feel so terribly guilty just looking at Jake? This hadn't been his fault; them breaking up wasn't his fault. It was her's and her stupid uncertainty and self-doubt. He had been nothing but supportive and there for her. And this was what she did to repay him? Break up with him? Technically he had given her an out but that didn't mean she had to take it. She shouldn't have; she should have stayed and fought for her relationship.

But she was just so damn conflicted.

And now Jake was just staring at her. His eyes flitting to the door every few seconds and then back to her. Maybe she needed to give _him_ an out.

"**You can go if you want. I won't be offended."**

Silence.

Did Jake want to leave? Was that what he really wanted? No, not really. Ever since he had left Kyle standing on the dock in Dutch Harbor he had missed her with every fiber of his being. And he was pissed off too. How could she let him walk away and then run to Nich? What was the deal with that guy anyway? Didn't he have a girl of his own? Probably not. Maybe that was way he wanted Kyle so badly.

More silence.

Now it was just getting awkward.

Kyle cleared her throat. **"Seriously. I'm giving you an out. If you want to leave you can."**

"**Why should I leave?"**

Good question. Kyle blinked. She guessed she should go. Maybe that's what he wanted. She wouldn't blame him if that's how he felt. She hitched her purse higher up on her shoulder and looked back at the door Lucas had disappeared through. Guess she could always text him later and let him know what had happened. **"You're right." **She said softly as she made her way down one of the aisles leading toward the exit. And of course this particular aisle meant she would have pass just by Jake. Kyle sucked in a breath and looked at the exit trying to focus on just the door ahead of her.

It was as Kyle reached him that Jake reached his hand out and gently grabbed her arm. Their gazes locked and suddenly it felt as though everything that had happened hadn't. Their eyes softened and it was easy to pretend, for a second, like there wasn't oceans between them.

"**I'm sorry." **Kyle whispered.

And it was so soft Jake wasn't sure he had actually heard anything at all but he replied all the same. **"Me too." **And as quickly as the moment had happened it was over. He let his hand fall to his side and let her go, again.

Kyle wasn't the villain, she wasn't.

* * *

"**Heard about what happened at the record shop."**

"**Word sure does travel fast.** **Who told you?"**

"**Luke actually. Said he came out and was surprised the whole store didn't look like a tornado blew through it."  
**

Jake nodded as he picked up his bottle of beer taking a deep pull from it. **"It was hard." **He admitted with a frown. It was way harder than he thought it would be, seeing Kyle again. Though he had seen her from a distance and heard her name from his friends it was completely different seeing her face to face and being _that_ close to her. **"I miss her."**

Jake's eyes widened slightly at his younger brother's words. Holy shit. This was **big**, like seriously big. He hadn't heard Jake say anything like that about Kyle since that fateful day on the dock. **"I know man." **Was all he could say. Vegas couldn't get here soon enough, this was hell.

* * *

Jackson didn't understand. He did just fine on a boat so why was a plane that different? Oh, right, because planes were up in the air and they flew and there was no ground. Then again, on a boat there wasn't ground either, there was water. Oh God. He wasn't ready for this.

"**I don't think I can do this."**

Summer was trying not to laugh, she really was. Jackson was deathly pale and had both of the armrests in such a tight grip she was afraid he was going to rip them off completely. **"Hey, it'll be okay. We'll be there in a few hours. No biggie."**

But it was a big deal and Jackson wished it wasn't. He was a grown ass man and shouldn't be afraid of taking a ride in an airplane. He shouldn't. But he was. He was miserably scared. He watched as a flight attendant walked down their aisle and reached out for her. **"Miss?"**

"**Yes sir?"**

"**Do you have any alcohol?" **He shot a glare in Summer's direction as she giggled. **"Something strong? Anything strong?"**

"**Nervous flyer?"**

Jackson could only nod his head, feeling even less like a man. He felt relieved as she smiled and said she would be right back with something good. Hopefully it was strong enough to knock him out. _Please no turbulence, please don't crash, please no bad weather, please please please. _

( monster – paramore )


End file.
